


Pride

by Transdodds



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: Developing Relationship, First Kiss, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-17 05:35:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17554358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Transdodds/pseuds/Transdodds
Summary: Sonny will always be proud of Peter, even if no one else is.





	Pride

They’d moved off the topic of Peters dad a while ago, but even so Peter couldn’t stop thinking about him. As much as he wanted to just enjoy spending time with Sonny, he couldn’t seem to relax. So instead of an evening of friendly, bordering on flirty, conversation they ate in silence. Comfortable silence, but still, silence.

After a while it seemed like Sonny had had enough, not that Peter could blame him. They both had such busy lives, it was rare they were able to go out together like this, and here he was, ruining it.

“What are you thinking about?” Sonny asked, breaking the silence. 

“Nothing. I’m sorry, I haven’t been the best company tonight.”

“You just being here is enough. And you can talk to me, I want to know. Please” Sonny said, reaching a hand across the table as if to take Peters in his, before deciding against it, and just resting his hand close to Peters. 

Peter was planning on denying everything again, until Sonny had said please. Because it seemed like Sonny really wanted to help, and who was Peter to deny Sonny what he wanted.

“It’s about my dad again.” Peter said, pausing to give Sonny a chance to change the subject. He was probably bored of Peters continuous search for answers to a question where the only man with the truth was dead. But Sonny just nodded, encouraging him to continue, and Peter was once again in awe of his compassion. He would have thought that being in the job he was, Sonny would have had all the kindness forced out of him, replaced with cynicism instead. But it seemed that Sonny had instead become determined to do what he could to be good influence in the world, as if he could somehow help tip the balance against all the horrible things he saw day in and day out.

“I can’t help but think that he maybe was right about me, right to have never been proud of me.” Sonny looked like he was going to say something reassuring, but Peter continued before he could. He wasn’t in the mood to hear Sonny come up with excuses for him. “I mean, he never told me was proud of my achievements in sport, never even came to my games most of the time. And while he didn’t say anything when I decided to go into it professionally, I always got the feeling that in his eyes I was making a mistake. And then I failed.”

“You were injured, there’s a difference.” Sonny countered.

“Is there? I kept telling myself it was right before I was going to become big, as if that was the only reason it fell apart. If I was truly talented, than why hadn’t I already become the big deal I keep telling myself I was going to become?”

Sonny took a while to think about what he wanted to say in response, knowing that Peter had been dealing with the what-ifs haunting his life long before the case, even if the case had done something to bring all his doubts and questions and uncertainty swirling back up again.

“You don’t know if it was the injury or not that ruined everything, and neither did your father. And to even get as far as you did, you don’t do that on blind luck. Anyways even if you want to believe that you truly weren’t good enough, you can’t say the same for what you do now.”

“Why not? I can tell that everyone is always comparing me to someone else, to Barba, or to my father. Sometimes I have a feeling when they call me Ben Stone's son they wish they could just stop at Ben Stone, and that he was there instead.” Peter admitted, voice quiet. 

“That’s not-”

“It is true and you know it. And so did he. Even when I made ASA in Chicago, I didn’t get any sort of recognition. At the bar when I was celebrating I kept checking my phone in the hopes it would ring and he would be on the other end.”

Sonny was pretty sure that he shouldn’t be getting this angry at someone dead, but he couldn’t stop the frustration and rage starting to burn deep in his chest. While he couldn’t say he admired Stone in the same way he had Barba, and maybe he had been guilty about making comparisons between the two men in the beginning, that was more to do with him than with either of them. When he had met Barba he’d been desperate for approval, being passed from precinct to precinct. And if he couldn't get acceptance as a detective, he wanted to try and gain it as a lawyer. Since then he had passed the bar, he had started to become more and more respected within the squad, and his self confidence had grown. Barba was his mentor, but Peter was his friend.

Which meant he could see the flaws in him, could see the way he drank too much, and tried to push down his problems in the hopes ignoring them would make them disappear, the way he let guilt corrode his insides. But he could also see everything brilliant about him as well, made all the more special by the fact that Sonny could see everything that tried to keep Peter down.

He could see that Peter hadn’t let the grief destroy him, he was still here, still fighting for what was right. Still winning over judges and juries and trying to make sense out of chaos, even if he couldn’t do the same with his own life. And being able to see all the ways he was fantastic made Sonny so mad that Peter couldn’t see it himself. Made him so angry that he’d been told by his father, by everyone who knew his father as well, that he would never be good enough. That whatever he did, he wouldn’t be what people wanted, what they expected. 

Sonny wasn’t naive, no matter what some people thought. He knew there was no way he could erase all of Peter self hatred and self doubt in a single evening. Knew that he probably wouldn’t be able to fully achieve that feat even with all the time in the world, but he could at least try.

“I don’t know why he wouldn’t ring, and I have no idea why anyone wouldn’t be proud of you. But if it means anything at all, know that I am proud of you. You’re intelligent, and persuasive, and compassionate and even if you don’t believe it, incredibly selfless. And if what i’m hearing from Noah is correct, a pretty great coach.” Sonny said, ending the last bit with a smile, and almost without really thinking, moved his hand the additional inch needed to place it on top of Peters. 

And Peter couldn't take it. He couldn’t take how much Sonny seemed to admire him, how he seemed to look past the flaws which were all Peter could see when he looked in the mirror. And the light seemed to be hitting Sonny's hair in such a way it seemed to glow and he couldn't stop thinking about the heat of Sonnys hand on his and Peter decided there was only one way to stop Sonny heaping praise on him.

So he leaned in and kissed Sonny, and at first he couldn’t believe he’d finally done what he had been wanting to do for months now, the urge coming up almost every time he was around Sonny. But then all the reasons he had waited so long started to appear. So he moved away, certain that Sonny would be looking at him with a shocked expression, instead of the same awed and admiring expression he had been wearing before the kiss, albeit now there seemed to be an added twinkle in his eyes, and his smile seemed slightly wider. 

“We can add being a good kisser to your list of achievements that you should be proud of” Sonny said with a grin and Peter couldn’t resist leaning in to kiss him again.


End file.
